yoga

I have a major fear of the scale. I hate seeing what I weigh because for some psychological reason my happiness depends on the number. I hate going to the doctor because I hate knowing my weight or anyone knowing my weight. I have decided to schedule a doctors appointment four weeks from today. I am absolutely terrified. I have a goal between 130-135 and I am hoping to get there. I have decided to weigh myself once a week – so four times before I go just to alleviate any uncertainty or anxiety about the scale. As a kid I never cared or understood how weight worked. I know what to eat to lose weight and I will do anything to get there. Starting this FRIDAY- I will be weighing in every week in the morning. Hopefully it isn’t as scary as I think it will be. Fingers crossed that I succeed. I am sticking to raw veggies and protein over the next four weeks. Hopefully it all works! I am really scared I am not going to lie. I am afraid of feeling guilty for weight gain. I am afraid of being disappointed in myself. I know this is ridiculous and at some level sounds crazy but the idea of weighing myself every week definitely frightens me.

So I ended up pulling a back muscle while picking up my adorable puppy GB. I took yesterday easy by just running. Tonight- hopefully I can get back to doing a Btone class and Kickboxing! I am really excited! To be honest, working at a school that has constantly gluten free cupcakes and chocolate at every corner has been difficult. I am very proud that I gave up the chocolates I received as a gift and left them in the Teacher’s lounge. Surprisingly all 30 pieces were gone within one day. I think I have been getting a little annoying to others since I have been talking about my diet a lot. I know that it is right now a big part of my life and it helps me keep myself accountable. It is also my hobby in a weird way. Looking up healthy recipes. I am excited to move back to Chicago because my work day will be longer but I am enjoying the extra time I have here in Boston to workout. I can’t believe I can have hobbies! We have been trying to go to bed around 9 pm -10pm so we aren’t tired in the morning.

I think the lack of sugar in my diet has been helping improve my quality of sleep. I don’t feel guilty about foods I am eating. The goal of this transformation is to be free of food guilt. This has been a long transition the past two years going from eating puppy chow and peppermint mochas to educating myself how much sugar is in a drink to avoiding corn syrup. I think that hopefully by the end of the year my taste buds have changed and will no longer crave sugar. Coffee on the other hand would be a lot harder to stop drinking but I have been cutting back.

Below is the menu for my day today! Wish me luck!

Breakfast

Coffee

Chicken Bacon

Two Eggs Scrambled

Lunch

Chicken

Peppers

Raw Veggies

Broccoli

Snack

Peanut Butter

Dinner

Chicken

Broccoli

SCALE TIME

Day Three